I hope my honesty won't affect me in the future but here it is...
The overall feedback from last semester was pretty good even though I expected a better grade. I got a B1 which I am satisfied about but I can't say that I am completely happy, which only means that I have to work more.
I have worked a lot at that project, starting with the research for the make-up I wanted to do from the different lighting setups and styles and other artists work. I have wrote almost all of what I've researched on my blog even though I didn't write about how I have created the make-up as this was a photography unit and I didn't consider it to be necessary.
The "natural" make-up I did looked very, very simple but in reality it was not simple at all, because personally I think that the hardest thing to do as a make-up artist is to give the illusion of a complexion that is flawless without make-up. To make the make-up be unseen. When Chris told me that he thought that those were real freckles it made me laugh because I didn't know how to react: to be proud that I made it, I made the make-up invisible, or to be frustrated that maybe people think that my model didn't even had make-up on!
I have posted a lot on the blog considering that everyone told me, includin the teachers, that the blog wouldn't be marked. I made a lot of research considering this, and being my first months in a different country, with a different language and different everything, was extremely difficult for me to do proper referencing which I didn't even heard of before, and to write complex analysis about what I have researched about. I also have to admit that I have looked through others blogs and I didn't see much work going on either, but I struggled to do more, just in case. An yet, other people got a bigger grade. I don't want to seem like I'm frustrated on them because I ain't, I understand that not everything is about the grades but I have really put a big effort and I expected something to motivate me to do more. I am only frustrated about the fact that I didn't really understand what marked me down. On the feedback provided on myCourse and at Chris's session, I understood that is the lack of personal reflection I had about other artists work, but I really don't see that as a criteria to mark me down so much. I didn't really know how to reflect. I didn't know even how to reference or anything. I just did my best and it seems like this was not enough, even though others didn't do as much as me and surprisingly they got a better result. I know that it's only the first year and that the grades don't count, I don't really care about them either, but I just know that the quality of work I did wasn't a B1. Ok, not about the blog, which by the way, I understood that wouldn't be marked, but what about the final images?
When I found the result I was really dissapointed. At first I was discouraged and really let down by this, because I thought that everything I would do, it wouldn't be enough and I will never get an A because I'm just not good enough. To this feeling contributed the grades I got at the make-up unit, which was an overall of B1, with A4 being for the blog which I consider to be worth, and with an B3 (B3!) for the timed assessment, with the reason that I have to "assess health and safety more carefully". Yeah. Health and safety. ?!?!?!?! Aaaanyway.
I had to reflect on it for days to understand what was wrong, and I still couldn't, but if this experience helped me with something, that is to stop caring about the grades. And not letting these define my work's worth. Everything that really matters is how I feel about it, and I feel that it is not worth an A1, but it is an A4-A3 definitely. I feel like that because I know that I have evolved A LOT. I have learnt so much this semester, starting from setting up the camera to setting up a studio and planning a photoshoot. I have never done that in my life! I have to admit that I had some experience with various photo editing softwares similar to Photoshop but now I have discovered the real deal. Photoshop is soooooo, so good.
Apart from the things mentioned above which I didn't understand, everything is perfectly fine. I loved the unit and this semester I think I will love it more. I have discovered that I really like playing with photography and photo editing and I really want to learn more about this. I was surprised that we have a photography unit and I am really happy about it as I have always wanted to know more about this topic and to learn how to use the manual mode. The only way I was shooting before was outside, in the auto mode or aperture priority, which were easier. Manual mode is still a mistery for me which I want to discover, and I hope that this semester we will explore photography and Photoshop more!
Now I am healed from the initial feelings about the last semester, about the grades. I know what I have to do. I know that I have to work more, more and even more and that when I think I am satisfied with what I did, to think again. That when I think that I've reached my limits, to think again and try again. Not for the grades, which can be there to wake me up from the dream, but for my personal development.
This term I need to improve my Photoshop and InDesign skills as I don't think I remember so much about In Design. This was a problem for me too last term. Moreover, I want to experience more with low-key lighting setups as the last semester we have experienced more with bright backgrounds. Oh, and yes, time management. Always a problem for me. :))
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